So, I took the kids to the Doctor on Friday. Clearly the school holidays just not stressful enough for me, so I thought I would challenge myself and see if insanity really was one step away.

Now, I shouldn’t complain, because New Zealand has free medical care for children under 5, but we had to sit in that there medical waiting room for 50 minutes.  Have you ever spent 50 minutes in a Dr’s surgery with 3 kids under 5??  I cannot recommend it. And I know there are probably places where this is not a long time, but we live in ‘lil old New Zealand, where 50 minutes is a L-O-N-G time to wait.  In fact, the first time I have ever had to wait longer than about 20 minutes. Anyhoo – here is how it went.

Put the kids in the fenced off kid area.  Now, during the swine flu epidemic they removed ALL the toys, apart from the chalk and the chalk board wiper. Bless them. Good idea.  However, kids like to eat chalk. Especially mine. And ALL the sick kids in the neighborhood come in, get put into the kids area then touch/lick/eat the chalk. Ick. How many germs do you think live on that chalk?  Not to mention the chalk board wiper, which smelt remotely like cheese. OLD cheese. Old blue cheese. So, that lasted about 2 minutes.

The front door was open, as it was hot (it’s summer in NZ at present) so, as every parent knows, the kids think the street is SUCH a fun place to play! Not. So the remaining 48 minutes involved holding onto the 20 month old so he wouldn’t run outside into the path of an oncoming car. And he screamed. And screamed. At first, I pulled out all the stops. The contents of the handbag. Reading them ALL the books available. Finally, the smartphone (which I SWORE I would not let them touch (and destroy) like the 5 phones before it) and the women’s magazines, read with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.  That got me up to 40 minutes. Now, call me inconsiderate (and, at this point, there were only – like – 3 people in the waiting room at the time) but I thought “stuff it – scream away son!”.  The medical receptionists then began to look at me like I was a crazy mother. And they would be right.

Now, speaking of medical receptionists – is there, like, a Reception Pit Bull school they go to? They are a breed all unto themselves. Officious. Prissy. Forced, thin smiles. If you even smile at a Doctor walking past they look like they are going to throw the phone book at you. And EVERY time I call, they put me on hold. 30 seconds after the surgery is open, they put me on hold. 4 hours after the surgery is open, they put me on hold.  Must be Reception Pit Bull school lesson 101. Put the client on hold.  Always. But, I digress.

SO – after 10 minutes of screaming the Doctor saw us. Normally I am most gracious when he said “Sorry we are running late” but – not this time.  50 minutes is not OK with three sick kids. And germy chalk and a cheesy chalk board wiper.

Do you guys have some Doctor waiting room stories? Do share!